In this article I want to talk about how important the casual little encounters we have with people are, and how we have very little information - to immediately judge a person when we just start talking to them.
Let's say you're browsing social media, and you see a cute boy/girl, and you're like, "they look really cool, I'd like to get to know them" - immediately your brain starts doing weird shit, because you are not sure what is the correct thing to say. And I believe - that, is the problem in our society. We are afraid because society has taught us how important first impressions are, how the other person might not like what we write to them and immediately back off. And these little encounters are precious for the most of us, since finding someone with whom you are willing to give it a chance is pretty rare nowadays.
The thing is, I myself, have had life teach me that first impressions are wrong. I'll present an example.
5 years ago, my friend was DJ'ing at a famous club, and he saw a very gorgeous looking american girl dancing. He found her Instagram, texted her, and they decided to meet, but the girl said she has a friend with her and that he should also bring a friend. Fast forward, we are sitting on a bench waiting for them to come. I see from a distance the American girl, and next to her is a tiny Asian girl. Immediately I had bad thoughts cloud me - omg, she's so short, and her face isn't cute at all, what the fuck is this, etc... How wrong was I. We drank all evening. A shit ton. And next thing you know she's sitting on my shoulders and we're running down the street, and my friend was making out with the American behind us. We go to their apartment (one room, 2 bordering small beds), and me being the gentlemen I am, left the room and took my girl to the balcony (1 square meter - open air - metal skinny bar 3rd floor balcony looking at a busy street at 2 AM Friday night).
We start fucking like wild animals and surely a lot of people saw us - best shit ever. Moral of the story, if I stayed true to my initial thoughts - I wouldn't have had an unforgettable night (and an amazing month afterwards). I have a few similar stories but you get the point.
And it's not only about the sex, it's also possible that boy girl become good friends - and whoever says friendship between a male and a female is not possible, are wrong, its as simple as this -
Step 1) Be friends with a girl. Step 2) Don't put your dick in her.
You did it!
Yes, men and women can be just friends. Men and women can be just friends even when one of them would like it to be more. They can be friends when neither of them want it to be more. They can still be friends even if they both decide to escalate the relationship. They can remain friends after they decide that the escalated relationship wasn't working.
This is true because men and women are first and foremost people, and people as a class have the ability to hold platonic friendships with other people, animals, plants and even inanimate objects.
Plus if attraction meant you couldn't have platonic friendships, that implies that bi people can't have friendships at all, which is ridiculous.
The belief that men and women can't just be friends comes from the notion that men's primary motivation for any type of social interaction with women is the prospect of having sex with the woman/women in question. It reduces the complexities and intricacies of men to simply extensions of the desire for sexual gratification and, frankly, I find it rather insulting to have someone assume that I, a man, am so simple-minded.
What makes this all the more frustrating is when other men help to perpetuate this myth. It starts off with the faulty assertion that men are constantly horny and constantly evaluating whether or not their female friends are "fuckable", which they then tell women. This fuels the distrust and discomfort that women already have around men, making it more difficult for women to seek out genuine platonic relationships with men, thus becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The image of man has become pretty low, and rightly so. I myself know that the majority of wankers are lowly scum. But how does the good man shine in a pile of rubbish? It's simple - the said woman needs to understand that a rare specimen does not shine within a few simple words such as hello and what's up. A rare specimen shines by his interests, passions, and mind. And to understand the latter, one needs to give it a chance. This applies to reversed roles as well.
Life is complicated as it is. We were born into this earth, this life, and as far as I understand nobody, absolutely no-one has a clue on what's going on. No one has answers, and everyone is lost in some way. Harvard actually answered the question on what makes people happy. They conducted an experiment monitoring people throughout their lives, and asking one question - what is happiness? Young people replied - a sports car, a gorgeous partner, money. Middle aged people replied - a yacht, a gorgeous partner, money. The elderly replied - relationships with people. Yes, people who are close to deaths door understand that real happiness is in the people that surround you. And by judging a person based on very few factors can prohibit a person from finding either a good friend, or a kick ass partner. And that sucks.
Moral of the story - most people are shit, but you gotta dig through that to find the rare specimen, and that takes effort, but it's definitely worth it.
- Alex