I have a math academy. Three hours of it, every Monday Wednesday and Friday.
It's not horrible, but it's not wonderful, if you know what I'm saying. Three hours of focusing. Three hours of all these randoms thoughts running through my mind as I try to solve math problems.
I am really good at random thoughts. I am excellent at willing away time with daydreams. But every second in that place, I feel extremely guilty for thinking random thoughts because academies are expensive as hell. It's five hundred dollars every month and I keep thinking oh there goes money! OOH ANOTHER TEn DoLLarS!
It would be funny if it wasn't depressing.
So anyway; I have to focus. But I can't keep focus for three hours, I mean, who can? Probably Einstein. Other scientists. Other people who aren't me. Every ten minutes I have another random thought that distracts me, and I re-do the question like five times until I decide that is enough and slap myself discreetly, making myself focus again.
I get that I'm supposed to work on math since I want to go to college. And I don't really hate math, it's just that there are a loads of stuff I would rather be doing than boring math. Math is stupid. I'm basically solving something a million other people have already solved. There is no originality, or that spark of creating something new. I'm just following a path that other people have already laid out for me.
I'm a liberal arts person, distinctively. That doesn't mean I'm bad at math, because my parents are smart which means my brother and I are smart, thanks to those genes. I am not a genius. I would expect geniuses to have IQs over like 170 and have a company already at my age. I don't have a company. Instead, I have a fanfic that has about thirty thousand views and yes, indeed, I am bragging.
It's not much to brag about though. It's not like I can put it on a resume or something. (Hello I'm Tara and I'm a fanfiction writer! Yay! And no, it's not smut, so don't worry!)
I wish I was smarter. Then, life would be much easier. I would fly through stupid schools and stupid academies and I'd have already published a book by 15. But since I am not a genius and I am not very special, I don't have a book. Instead I have this blog thingy which I'm using as a diary slash story book.
Nobody I know knows this site. Probably because it's very small, not much traffic. I only found it because I was looking for a secluded part of the internet where I could express my radical thoughts in piece. Although, I don't have very radical thoughts. I am a very logical girl. I don't accept nonsense that is not amusing.
Nonsense that is amusing, I'll take a second look at. I live for fun. And also, because I live because I was born. Nothing to do else, I guess. I mean, I could kill myself, but that would be so anti-climatic. I was a big send-off. I want a minute of silence for my untimely demise.
Which is why I'm going to be influential. Not influential in a celebrity way, influential in a political way. I want to be a producer, at a broadcasting company. I want to spread my thoughts, although that sounds strikingly a lot like propaganda.
I want money, power and glory. And I don't care that it sounds very shallow, because I can be whatever people want, not just shallow or deep or truthful or conceited. I'm adept at changing.
And I want to succeed so bad. I will have what I want, through any means.
Wow. I am so totally a Slytherin. Wait, I thought I was Ravenclaw. And Griffindor. I mean, when I was younger I thought I was a Griffindor since I was very straight-forward and not afraid of consequences, then I grew up and decided wit was the most important thing in life. So I thought I was a Ravenclaw, and I loved books and knowledge and stuff. And then now, the future so close, I think I am Slytherin.
What am I? I am asking myself. Oh, haha, the answer that popped into my head was definitely not Hufflepuff. I'm not loyal. I mean, I am, but it's not a huge part of me since I don't have a lot of friends to be loyal to.
Ha. That again sounds a lot like Slytherin.
Anyway, since I really don't care what I am-I'm not bloody going to Hogwarts, why waste thought on this?- let's think about something else. Like how life is going to be like for me.
How is life right now?
Well, filled with writing. I started another new fanfic today, so I have like four projects I'm all supposed to be working on, and also this blogging thingy. And I also have math homework I have to finish daily, and school stuff that I haven't even started on.
But I'm going to be wonderful at writing since I rock at that. I'm going to be excellent at school stuff because I want to succeed, and I also acknowledge that I need to study hard in order to do that. And at math-Well. Math can go fuck itself.
(Just kidding. I'm also gonna finish it.)
And how is life going to be like?*
Well, I'm going to excel at my exams, and go to the high school I want. And I'm going to work hard** there too, until I go to college where I'll have loads of fun and loads of experiences I will never forget. I'll have a boyfriend, or a girlfriend. I'll have friends to do crazy stuff with.
Then I'll graduate and get a job starting from internship, working my way up the ladder. I'm not going to settle down, or do any of the stuff misogynists expect of me, and I'm going to work with pride for pride. (Ha. See what I did there?)
And all the way through, I'll be writing. I'll be writing about my experiences, the experiences of someone I have made, experiences of some people some other people have made.
And I hope these writings find its purpose, to be read or to be shared or to be laughed at, because if all my writings have one thing in common, it's that it's going to be bitingly funny.
Yup. So I better start on my math homework. (UGHHHHH)
*I acknowledge that this piece of writing didn't exactly end up the way I wanted, but I think it's nice, in that it helps me put a clear picture in my head of the future I want. Sorry if it's unnecessarily boring, but-Wait. Why am I sorry? The maximum of three people that are going to read this probably already knows that this is going to be boring. Or serious. But hey, that's my future you're reading about. Be careful of what you do with it. I might be daughter of a Russian Mafia. Or a Korean Mafia. Does Korea have Mafias? (Who knows, and who cares?)
**Working hard doesn't equal getting good results. (shh)