Jokes for a happy weekend
1)
At an interview: “In the beginning, you’ll be earning 20 000, later on it can go up to 40 000.”
“OK, I’ll come again later then.”
2)
Q: What is it: “Three in the office but only one works.”
A: Two state clerks and a running ventilator.
3)
– When I drink coffee I can’t sleep.
– Really? I have the exact opposite.
– Wow, seriously?
– Yes, when I sleep I can’t drink coffee.
4)
Judge: “Why did you steal the car?”
Man: “I had to get to work.”
Judge: “Why didn’t you take the bus?”
Man: I don’t have a driver’s license for the bus.
5)
The police stop an old guy in questionable condition at 1 am.
“What are you doing out so late, sir?” asks the police officer.
“I’m going to a seminar on ‘The harmful effects of alcohol’,” replies the man.
“Are you pulling my leg or something?!“ says the police officer, „who would hold a seminar like that at this hour?!”
The man sighs, “my wife.”
6)
Bridget asks her son Paul, “Paul, would you say I’m pretty or ugly?”
“A bit of both, actually,” replies the teenager.
“How do you mean that?” asks the puzzled Bridget.
“I’d say you’re pretty ugly.”
7)
A man well into his seventies asks his wife: "Mary, doesn’t it make you sad when you see me running after those young girls sometimes?"
"Not in the least, Peter,” replies Mary, “our dog chases cars all the time and there’s also no chance he could manage to drive one!"
8)
Last night a Chinese guy came to my favorite bar.
I asked him if he knew Kung Fu or some other martial art.
He said, “Why do you ask me that? Is it just because I’m Chinese?!”
“No it’s because you’re drinking My beer!“
9)
Man: Doctor, how can I live longer than 100 years?
Doctor: Do you smoke?
Man: No.
Doctor: Do you eat too much?
Man: No.
Doctor: Do you go to bed late?
Man: No.
Doctor: Do you have affairs with promiscuous women?
Man: No.
Doctor: Then why would you want to live more than 100 years?
10)
A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.
The surprised girl said, “What was that?”
The guy smiled at her, “Direct marketing!”
The girl slapped him soundly.
“What was that?!” said the boy, holding his cheek.
“Customer feedback.”
Compiled by
Srini